Can Purell be used as lube?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We got so high we made milksteak
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
