Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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