Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
