i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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