She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize