census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
