she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
They are going to name an STD after you.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
