Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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