too bad you live with your parents still
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
