I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
