so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
