I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Randomize
