my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
