matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
