if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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