So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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