I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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