"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
