oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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