look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
