HIV tests are more positive than that guy
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
