Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
