I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
