he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
