she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
