I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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