i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
