It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
