don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
did i just pee glitter
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
