I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
