hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
