i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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