Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
