I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
