she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize