Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize