I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
