your room smells of hookers.
And success
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She's the barista slut.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
