My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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