Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
