Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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