Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
