Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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