Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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