how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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