your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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