yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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