I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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