Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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