He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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