Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
