Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
