remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i think my tv is drunk
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize