I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
