I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
