dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
