dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
