The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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