We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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