these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
