She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
