god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
What drink are we having for lunch?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
