my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
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