Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
