i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
