I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
