Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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