I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
