And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
