Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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