I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
