The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
