I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
