If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I am never drinking with the goths again.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
