sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
