Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
That accounts for only three of the penises
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
