I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
