I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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