Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
