Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
