doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Drunk is not a location!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
