she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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