the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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