then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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