went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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