The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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