Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
