Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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