He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
