Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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