he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
