I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
