it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
